Last Sunday I was talking to a friend who shared something he was interested in writing and then, as soon as he shared it, expressed doubt as to whether it would actually ever happen. He asked about my own writing, and I in turn shared about what I’d like to do but have yet to actually accomplish or even begin. It seems like there are a lot of us out there who spend a lot of time thinking and talking about things we’d like to do, and yet so often we fail to actually do them. Why is this? Clearly we have a longing and desire for these things (which often seem to be of a creative nature), so why do they so rarely come to fruition?
In my own situation, there are a few contributing factors that I can identify. One is that I’ve been extremely busy in the last couple weeks with travel, getting together with friends visiting from out of town, preparing for family visits, and doing all the errands, cleaning, and organizing necessary in setting up my newly renovated master bathroom. Life gets busy, and there is an endless supply of demands on all of us. The other is plain and simple fear. What if I can’t do it? What if it doesn’t turn out the way I want it to? I have also often noticed in both myself and others a sense that spending time on these creative pursuits we long for isn’t a legitimate use of our time. We feel a kind of apologetic embarrassment that we would consider spending time writing a short story or playing the piano to be as important as cleaning the bathroom. But there is another element that is harder to put a finger on, which presents itself in that weird and mysterious lethargy that seems to invade and make me desire to watch a marathon of The Good Wife on DVD rather than actually sit down and write. Why is this? I love to write. I know from past experience that I always feel good about having done so when I finish, even if I don’t feel good about the actual product (although it’s even more awesome when I do). So why the dragging feet?
In Act 4 of Hamlet, Claudius advises Laertes, “That we would do, we should do when we would; for this ‘would’ changes and hath abatements and delays as many as there are tongues, are hands, are accidents; and then this ‘should’ is like a spendthrift sigh, that hurts by easing.” Granted, Claudius was the villain of the play and was trying to manipulate Laertes into killing Hamlet when he spoke this. But there is truth and beauty in what he says nonetheless and, ironically, directly speaks to Hamlet’s own flaw–his inability to take action. It also speaks to the rest of us who have ever desired to do something worthwhile and good and yet haven’t ever gotten around to doing it.
In Christianity (and, I would venture, the world in general), there is a sort of popular tradition of thinking of sin as ‘bad’ behavior–doing something destructive like killing someone or cheating on your spouse or stealing money from your mom’s purse. But the Greek word most frequently used for ‘sin’ in the New Testament, hamartia, literally means missing the mark. The ‘bad behaviors’ are symptomatic of a larger issue of us not functioning the way we were designed to, the machinery of our souls going awry. I happen to think this lethargy, these abatements, are part of that going awry. We have a target in mind (“I want to do a blog,” “I want to write a novel,” “I want to learn to play the cello,” “I want to get back into drawing”) but then we turn and fire all our time and energy into other pursuits.
I don’t know of any obvious or easy solution to this (please post a comment if you happen to know one), but I know that in my own experience, community plays a key role. I am more likely to write and pursue my creative interests when I am around and in contact with other people who are writing and pursuing their creative interests. It also helps when people bug me about it and actually demand something of/from me. And once I experience that, it makes me want to call out other people and their gifts in turn. There is a verse in Ephesians 5 that says “everything that is illuminated becomes a light.” So this is me calling you out: do your thing–the thing that will give you joy and bring blessing to others–and let’s light each other up.
flawed but functioning 
Very thought-provoking – you raise an issue that many of us have wrestled with…One “solution” — or step toward a solution — I’ve found is this: once I identify
something that’s important to me that I’d like to be doing — to “sow” at least a little time toward it that day or that week…ideally on a repeated basis. This seems to take the pressure off and help me avoid getting stuck in “all-or-nothing” while still cracking open the door for this creative outlet or new desire to start getting “watered” and have an actual “space” in my life. A second step I’ve learned from others is to take moments during my day to “check in” with myself and decide how I really want to spend…or invest…the next segment of my day…rather than automatically forge ahead with whatever’s calling for my attention at the moment. Thanks for your post!
thanks, Ben. I like the metaphor of sowing.
I’m a great starter, an abysmal finisher. I think you’re right about community. It’s more than just accountability, it’s that static charge that happens from being in the same room as other like-minded souls.
It’s why our writer’s workshops are so valuable to me. It’s not always the material itself that I see as the product I’m happiest with… it’s often the fact that I’m forced to get myself into the habit writing. It’s not enough to simply angle myself toward interesting ideas… I have to realize them. I have to *finish* them.
Anyhow, KLo, thanks for putting me in a position where creation is my only option. It’s the best sort of place to be.
thanks, Jeremy–well said. I think I’m safe in speaking for the rest of the group when I say that you are valuable to the workshop.
I totally agree that being around other people who are displaying courage or pure discipline to pursue their interests has a very motivating and positive effect, especially when those people share their own fears and hangups in the process. By the way, as I type this I’ m enjoying a fantastic episode of The Good Wife :)
yes, I think the fears/hangups part is key (although that’s the hardest part to share) because that makes the person’s experience more accessible. It’s easy to think “Oh, I can’t do that” if someone comes across as way more together and accomplished than we feel. But something that seems to be universal in those with a creative bent (which may just be all people) is that feeling of being a fraud. Oh, and we’ll have to chat about The Good Wife soon…
I think writing is like exercise: if you are consistant in your practice, it becomes habit. Also, I find that community is hugely important. The more you surround yourself with like-minded folks who are pursuing excellence, the more it rubs off on you. As for me, I’d love to have a personal ‘life coach’ (like a personal chef or trainer) who would inspire, motivate, and push me toward my goals on a daily and weekly basis!
good analogy, Cara. The habit part would definitely make it less of an effort each time. The morning writing you shared with me has inspired me to pick a time every day this week to sit and write–no matter what. Check with me in a week and see if I stick to it.